The Periscope Post

Trapped miner has a ‘pit on the side’

The trapped miners submerged half a mile underground in Chile are behaving heroically. Despite the enormous stresses on them, they are pulling together as a team, and staying remarkably strong in the face of extreme adversity. However, they are not all angels walking on Earth. Trapped minor Yonni Barrios will have much explaining to do when he gets out of the subterranean hell-hole. That’s because his wife has been joined in her round-the-clock vigil by Barrios’s previously-undisclosed mistress, reported The Sun. The good news for Barrios? His wife is standing by her man. “Barrios is my husband. He loves me and I am his devoted wife. This woman has no legitimacy,” she boomed.

Manx on the moon?

When most people think of the Isle of Man they conjure up images of sleepy villages, contended-looking sheep, and plates of Queenie scallops. But it turns out the Isle of Man is a hot-bed for pioneering private sector space projects. So much so, that it has been rated as the fifth-most-important nation involved in the race to get a person back to the surface of the moon. Only the United States, Russia, China and India rank ahead of the Island in a report released by industry analyst Ascend and mulled on Radio 4’s Today Programme. According to Ascend, the 12 space companies operating on the Isle of Man have generated nearly £400 million pounds over the last three years.

Castro discovers the internet

In many ways Fidel Castro is classic old-schooler. Take his choice of clothes; barring the odd sofa day in an Adidas tracksuit, he almost always wears his trusty green fatigues he first donned as a scruffy rebel hiding out in the mountains of the Sierra Maestra way back in the late fifties. But it turns El Jefe is joining the modern age. In a recent interview with a Mexican newspaper, he declared his new-found love for the internet. And boy, he’s taken. As well as blogging like crazy on official regime rag Granma’s website, he says he consumes up to 300 news stories a day. His fave site? Wikileaks, that other thorn in the side of the US administration.

Rooney’s post-coital fag

The News of the World’s exclusive revelation that Rooney has again cheated on his wife Coleen spread like wildfire across the net, angering football fans who had hoped Rooney and co would learn from how personal indiscretions tore apart team morale at the World Cup and clean up their act. To The Periscope Post, the revelations are depressingly predictably. Footballers like Rooney are horrendously overpaid and worshipped by sycophantic hangers-on who dangerously inflate their already swollen egos. No wonder their moral compasses often malfunction. But what did surprise the Post, and seems to have flown somewhat under the radar, is that Rooney handed over a whopping £200 for a pack of 20 Marlboros after he had bedded “Juicy” Jenny Thompson at Manchester’s Lowry hotel. That’s one massively overcharging concierge.  Oh yeah, and what’s England’s best player doing smoking fags?