The Periscope Post

The Guardian Bob Diamond: When investment bankers rule

The appointment of hot shot investment banker to the top job at Barclays alarmed The Guardian: “Even without a once-in-a-lifetime banking crisis, Bob Diamond would still have been a rum choice to run Barclays. After all, this is the man who was described by the former business secretary Peter Mandelson as the ‘unacceptable face of banking’.” The paper conceded, “No one could doubt that Mr Diamond has been a hugely successful investment banker – but he has not displayed the roundedness of skills and background that would normally be expected of someone taking the helm of a FTSE 100 company, let alone one that has been in business for over three centuries.” The Guardian lamented that “… a company synonymous with current accounts, business lending and all the other bread and butter of high-street banking is now run by a man whose entire 30-year financial career is in high-risk trading, flashy mergers and acquisitions, and arcane financial instruments.”

The Times Banking on Diamond

Diamond’s appointment positively delighted The Times: “Barclays has made two decisions, both of them the right ones. It has chosen the best person for the job, regardless of prevailing political winds. And it has made clear that it does not want to go back to an old, halfimagined world of bowler-hatted banking, but has ambitions to be one of the world’s leading universal global banks, rooted in London.” The paper dismissed plans to split up the banks as “dangerous nonsense.” “No one disputes that banks need regulation. But splitting investment and retail banking businesses would do nothing to stabilise the financial system. It would just make it more difficult for banks to be efficient and profitable.”

The Daily Telegraph Dance flaws

Men who emulate David Brent’s infamous dance routine from The Office are officially attractive to women by virtue of their sheer animal energy. University of Northumbria’s research findings suggest the secret to successful male dancing is to  move your body as much as possible and not worry what other men think. This is “easier said than done” complained The Daily Telegraph, “It may attract women but dancing well is difficult.”  “Perhaps the University of Northumbria might enlist the aid of the University of Northampton, which, we learn, offers a degree in ‘Waste Management with Dance’. At least then we might know why our dancing is rubbish,” joked the paper.

The Independent Body talk

Slow news day perhaps? The Independent also examined the deadly serious issue of male dancing: “Apparently some of the crucial components of a successful male display are the speed of the right knee, and the size of movement of the neck, trunk, left shoulder and wrist. One can only hope that no man takes that little summary too literally, or we could be looking at a few accidents on the dancefloor.” The Independent expressed disappointment that researchers “… quite unaccountably, fail to mention the sporadic crotch-grabbing that Michael Jackson – one of the world’s most revered dancers.”