Roseanne Barr in 2012! Photo credit: Monterey Media, http://www.flickr.com/photos/montereymedia/5367870718/

As if Donald Trump’s truncated bid for the Republican nomination wasn’t weird enough, now, TV comedienne Roseanne Barr is throwing her hat into the ring – she’s seeking the Green Party’s nomination for the 2012 presidential election.

Barr’s official campaign slogan, as revealed on Twitter, appears to be “Vote for me, I’ll fix this sh*t!” This is pretty much par for the course for the star of the Emmy-winning Roseanne, which aired from 1988 until 1997: After all, this is the woman who married Tom Arnold and now runs a 46-acre macadamia nut farm in Hawaii.

According to the Associated Press, the Domestic Goddess filed paperwork with the Federal Election Commission on January 25 seeking the Green Party’s nomination, and has since been affirmed as a candidate. She faces three other candidates, including a San Diego air quality inspector born in Papua New Guinea. In a statement discussing the move, she claimed that she is a longtime supporter of the Green Party and that the two main political parties “are not doing what’s in the best interest of the American people”. In a candidate’s questionnaire submitted to the Green Party, she said, “I will barnstorm American living rooms. Mainstream media will be unable to ignore me, but more importantly they will be unable to overlook the needs of average Americans in the run-up to the 2012 election.”

“i will use the powers of the presidency to make sure that every american has a job and free health care,” she tweeted to a follower. “I’m a Jew, you dirty stupid goat f*cker,” she tweeted to another. And finally, to a twitter follower offering to be her running mate, “you would not make it through the green party vetting process. You have to be hot.”

“I will barnstorm American living rooms,” she said in a candidate questionnaire submitted to the Green Party. “Mainstream media will be unable to ignore me, but more importantly they will be unable to overlook the needs of average Americans in the run-up to the 2012 election.”

Her platform. Barr has, during her announcement that she would run for president on the Green “Tea” Party ticket in 2010 and on Twitter, explained aspects of her platform. Those include: Instituting a “#Europeanstyle” single-payer healthcare within the first 100 days of her term; forgive all credit card and mortgage debt by “kicking out” the Federal Reserve; making war illegal and pot legal; include more women in government; and outlaw “bullsh*t”. She also wants to reshape American diets to include more nut proteins (she does own a nut farm, after all); pursue “financial terrorists”, whoever those are; and fight for gay rights.

“my hope is that america can return to the brilliant middle of the road away from all of these idealogues& radical extremists on both sides!” tweeted Roseanne.

Is she serious? Maybe not, pointed out Sarah Anne Hughes on The Washington Post’s Celebritology blog: “Does the sitcom queen really expect to be nominated? Not so much. She wrote on Twitter, ‘I run in support of The Green Party & probably of Jill Stein—hopefully I can be of service by speaking on media about a viable choice 4 voters.’ A Vice President Barr also doesn’t seem to be in the cards: ‘jill has already named a vice. i’m just in it to support the greens and their fine american message.’”

A ‘compelling argument’. Emma Carmichael, writing at Gawker, noted that Barr’s platform likely “will endear her to both sitcom nostalgics and the far left” and that her slogan makes a “compelling argument”. Of one of Barr’s campaign promises, to “outlaw bullsh*t”, Carmichael cheered, “Hear, hear. Fix this sh*t, Roseanne.”

More on the 2012 election

• Romney wins Florida
• Donald Trump threatens to run for president – again
• Perry forgets policy at GOP debate
• Obama hates Christmas, says Rick Perry

Young Don Cornelius. Photo credit: Pants Pants http://www.flickr.com/photos/reefflop/1647938/

Don Cornelius, the creator and producer of American dance variety show Soul Train, was found at his mansion in California in the early hours of Wednesday morning with a self-inflicted gunshot wound to the head. He was later pronounced dead at the Cedars-Sinai Medical Clinic. He was 75.

Soul Train ran for 35 years, starting in Chicago as a local programme and later airing nationally to become the longest continuously running syndicated programme on TV. As host of the show, Cornelius was, according to The Washington Post, “the epitome of cool”, known for his deep baritone voice and stylish dress sense. He stepped down in 1993 (quoted in The New York Times as saying, “I took myself off because I just felt that 22 years was enough and that the audience was changing and I wasn’t”) but continued to act as executive producer.

Don Cornelius was born on 27 September 1937. He served in the Marines in Korea then worked as an insurance salesman, before following his childhood dream to become a radio DJ. He used $400 from his own pocket to launch Soul Train in 1970. He also set up the Soul Train Awards and has a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. He is survived by his children from his first marriage.

The presenter became known for his catchphrase at the end of every show: “…you can bet your last money, it’s all gonna be a stone gas, honey! I’m Don Cornelius, and as always in parting, we wish you love, peace and soul!”

The Soul Train effect.  The Daily Mail credited Cornelius with helping to break down racial barriers and “broaden the reach of black culture.” As The Washington Post said, it is now “hard to grasp the magnitude” of Soul Train’s impact as a “pioneering outlet for a culture whose access to television was strictly limited.” Soul Train showcased R&B’s biggest stars, from Marvin Gaye to James Brown, and provided crossover white artists like David Bowie and Elton John with a platform to reach a black audience. Cornelius invited civil rights leaders including Martin Luther King on to the show, but according to John Pareles on The New York Times, “for the most part Mr. Cornelius didn’t preach about civil rights or the marvels of African-American art. He was manifesting them.”

“He brought soul music and dance to the world in a way that it had never been shown and he was a cultural game changer on a global level,” said the civil rights campaigner Rev Al Sharpton, who appeared on the show when he was 19.

Twitter tributes: #SoulTrain has been trending in America with some big names paying their respects –”It meant more to me to perform on #SoulTrain to win a Grammy .. Loved U So Much Don,” tweeted MC Hammer, “Thank U RIP #DonCornelius”. Rihanna offered “R.I.P Don C”, Paula Abdul sent “”All my love, prayers & condolences go to the family, friends & loved ones of #DonCornelius, creator of #SoulTrain” and ex-basketball player Earvin ‘Magic’ Johnson wrote “Soul Train taught the world how to dance!”

Later life.  Sadly Cornelius’ more recent years were blighted by domestic disturbance. In October 2008 he was arrested on felony domestic abuse charges, and pleaded not guilty to spousal abuse against his estranged wife, Russian model Victoria Avila-Cornelius, who filed multiple restraining orders against him. He later changed his plea to no contes’ and was placed on 36 months’ probation. During the 2009 divorce proceedings, Cornelius was quoted as saying, “I have significant health issues. I want to finalize this divorce before I die.” He was believed to have suffered a stroke and undergone brain surgery, leaving him in significant pain. The Daily Mail reported that he will leave his “hated” ex-wife around $300,000 in life insurance. Kevin Powell lamented his involvement with violence on The Guardian; “The ultimate tragedy is that I doubt whether this man ever completely grasped how much joy and sunshine he had brought to others in his lifetime.”

Peace, love and soul.  In recent years he may have hit the headlines more for his troubled private life than his contributions to music and media, but the legacy of Don Cornelius will only be positive. Aretha Franklin said in a statement, “It’s just so sad, stunning and downright shocking… a huge and momentous loss to the African-American community and the world at large.” Patti LaBelle called him “simply a genius”, “the contributions he made to music and our culture are second to none.” These sentiments were echoed by music producer Quincy Jones, “His contributions to television, music and our culture as a whole will never be matched. My heart goes out to Don’s family and loved ones.”

More notable deaths

• Rapper Heavy D dies
• Notable deaths of 2011

Trabzon is famous for its hamsi (pictured) and Russian prostitutes (not pictured). Photo credit: Gabrielle Jackson

When the beautiful woman in the long black coat approached me, the thought crossed my mind that she could be a Russian prostitute. I was in Trabzon, a port town on the Turkish Black Sea coast famous for its hamsi (Black Sea anchovies) and Russian prostitutes. I was here en route from Istanbul to Georgia and we were both waiting for the Tbilisi bus.

She didn’t speak much English, this beautiful woman named Fatma, but I discovered she was from Azerbaijan, has a Russian mother and an Azeri father. She was sweet, and keen to take me under her wing, and even while I scolded myself for wondering whether she was a Russian prostitute, a few things happened to make me not completely forget the idea.

First, she told me she’d been for a job interview in Trabzon to coach the Turkish national gymnastics team and said she was now going to Georgia to renew her Turkish work visa. Why Georgia, rather than Azerbaijan, went unexplained. And why the national team was based in Trabzon, I’ll never know.

Second, the bus manager pulled a face at me when she wasn’t looking that unmistakably said, ‘Stay away from her – she’s crazy!’

Third, she had no luggage. When I enquired as to why, she told me she had a bottle of champagne, some chocolate and three pairs of underwear. Apparently that all fit in the massive Louis Vuitton handbag she was carrying. Now, I don’t actually know any Russian prostitutes, but if I were writing a book that featured one, these are the kinds of things she might carry around in lieu of luggage.

But then again, she kept being incredibly kind to me. Fatma translated for me through the border, carried my bag and led me to the toilet. I put my suspicions aside again and instead stared out the window and dreamed about how lucky I’ve been with the people I’ve met and the places I’ve been.

This reverie was interrupted by Fatma, now my seatmate, complaining about the woman behind us. Loudly. To be fair, she had been speaking on the phone for a fairly long time. And when she wasn’t on the phone, she was listening to loud music. So she was a bit annoying, but I was reading my book and not really noticing. Fatma, on the other hand, was trying to sleep and noticing everything.

At this stage, I thought I may be the only sane person on the bus and decided that I would not talk to anybody for the rest of the journey. It was about 6pm and we were due to arrive in Tbilisi at 8pm. I could stick that out.

Instead of arriving in Tbilisi at 8pm, however, we arrived at a bus stop café that looked far from fetching. It looked like a place they’d stop in a horror movie when one or more of the passengers gets decapitated by a lonely restaurant worker who then escapes on the bus. Left alone in the freezing night, the passengers turn on each other, and the heroine (ie me) has to escape into the snow-covered hills in inappropriate clothing only to be found, after a series of close encounters with a cliff, a bear and a mental villager, alive – but only just – by Interpol sniffer dogs.

None of that happened. Instead, I realised I had no money and Fatma paid for my dinner. Then, when I had to feign sickness as an excuse not to eat the cold fried kidney she dumped on my plate, she jumped out of her seat to fetch me a hot cup of tea. Even while she was performing this act of kindness, I was considering why I’d never before realised that the act of eating cold fried kidney was probably one of the essential characteristics of a serial killer, or at least with the tendency to be involved with serious criminal activity in the form of Russian prostitution gangs operating out of Azerbaijan.

But she can’t be planning to rob me, I thought – trying to be logical – because she’s just bought me dinner. Again, I relaxed and tried to be calm.

Back on the bus, I was enjoying my book in peace when the fight broke out. The noisy woman behind us was sharing a joke with the bus assistant and Fatma had lost patience. Fatma turned her head and started scolding her. Then it escalated. Fatma stood up and began yelling.

After quite a bit of shouting, Fatma turned back around and all was silent for a few seconds. Then the woman made a ‘tut, tut, tut’ sound. Not good. Fatma jumped out of her seat and reached passed me to lay a punch. By this time she had taken off her long black gloves to reveal a fistful of diamonds, which would hurt, I surmised, when used in a punch. Luckily some nearby men intervened and prevented an all-out brawl. I was unharmed in the incident.

After taking off her diamonds and putting them inside the Vuitton, Fatma made us move seats. By now, it was clear I was in her clutches. Nobody else on the bus spoke English and they all thought we were mates. I had to move with her. I had to stay on the good side of the crazy lady.

I again spent some time staring out the bus window, albeit with slightly less enthusiasm than earlier.

I tried to think rationally. I’d already established she wasn’t trying to rob me. She knew I had no money and the clothes I was wearing were a pretty good advertisement that I had nothing much of value to steal.

That’s when I realised: She was going to sell me into a Russian prostitution gang, probably working out of Azerbaijan!

I started to think of the ways she might lure me to the gang. In her charming, kind manner, she would insist I stay with her and that’s when I would be ushered into a black Mercedes with tinted windows and driven by a man in a black beanie with a gold front tooth and a big gun and smuggled off to Azerbaijan, where men with lots of oil income would pay BIG money for a red-headed Russian who spoke no Russian!

Why do I have to be a trailblazer, I asked myself? Why am I on a bus with no English speakers going to a country most Australians don’t even know exists? Well, you’ve always wanted to do things nobody else has done, I sighed to myself. This is what it feels like to go it alone. It’s lonely and scary! For a moment, I felt a teeny wave of self-congratulatory euphoria wash over me. That feeling didn’t last long, because I felt I needed to make a plan to get out alive.

How would I get out of this? Every time I thought I was on to her, she did something nice. What a professional! But punching another passenger was beyond the pale. While Fatma slept, I spent my time trying to get eye contact with other people on the bus and smile. Not one person smiled back. To be fair, I probably looked like some kind of loon, half standing in my seat, squished in between the sleeping assassin and the window, staring at people with a manic smile on my face. It was clear I had no friends on that bus.

When we got off the bus at 2.30am, inexplicably six hours late, there were a number of taxis waiting. I rushed to collect my bags and then bombarded the taxi drivers with the address of my hostel. One of them nodded. Excellent.

‘OK, bye,’ I said to Fatma, with slightly too much enthusiasm.
‘What do you mean?’ she asked.

‘I’m going.’

‘I’m coming with you. This is Georgia. I’m not leaving you alone with a taxi driver!’

Shivers.

The taxi driver was now asking for a phone number for my hostel, clearly not understanding the address I had written down in Latin text. I didn’t, but Fatma grabbed the address from me and was translating it to the taxi drivers. The street she was saying sounded like the one I had written down, I told myself, and reluctantly got in the taxi with her. I had some landmarks written in my notepad of what the hostel was near and I looked out for them with desperation. The cinema was one such landmark and as we passed it, I yelled like a mad woman that we had to turn. Fatma told me to be quiet. The taxi driver ignored me. He stopped, consulted another taxi driver, then did as I had suggested and turned at the cinema.

She escorted me to the door of my hostel, and as we knocked, casually said, ‘I may as well stay here if there’s a bed for me. It’s too late to go to my hostel.’ For the love of God, she’s thought of everything!

Of course there was a bed for Fatma – we were the only customers. Needless to say, I didn’t sleep much that night. I kept waiting for the Russian gangsters to show up.

The next day, Fatma showed me around Tbilisi. She changed my Turkish lira because the banks wouldn’t. She showed me where to go to eat. She showed me some photos of her gym team and offered to host me in Baku. Even if she wasn’t there, she said, I could stay with her parents, and she showed me their photos too. It was now starting to seem like a pretty elaborate plan to get me into a prostitution gang. I wondered how late she was waiting to make her move.

Later, when I grilled the multilingual hostel worker, who had spoken to Fatma extensively in Russian, I discovered there were pretty credible explanations for the all the gaps in Fatma’s story. It was just Fatma’s lack of English that had left all those gaps, not a Russian gang operating out of Azerbaijan but in Tbilisi just for one night to pick up some Russian-looking Australian prey.

I started to think that maybe Fatma wasn’t the crazy lady. I started to think that title pretty much belonged to me. When I went back over all the slightly mental things I’d done, including sneaking off to another hostel while she was finishing her drink in a restaurant (to book for the following night so she wouldn’t know where I was), I wondered why she was even hanging out with me.

I never got to the bottom of the fist fight, but we enjoyed our last evening together and I started to think we could be friends if we spoke the same language. When I said goodbye and tottered off to my new hostel, however, I felt an overwhelming sense of relief. I needed to leave the crazy behind, even if it was all mine.

When I arrived at the new hostel, it wasn’t just with a bit of embarrassment at my assumptions about Fatma. There, I was confronted with another Australian, an American and a Spaniard. It turned out I was no trailblazer, after all, just a suspicious racist (against Russians) with a rather wild imagination.

A version of this story first appeared on KebabQuest.

Man, woman, dog. Who needs more? Photocredit: http://aboutwilliamandkate.blogspot.com/

The halls of Buckingham Palace are hearing the patter of tiny feet! Yes, the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge have finnnnnalllllly….. bought a puppy! And we all know, don’t we, what that’s preparation for… Royal babies!

The new royal addition to Prince William and Kate’s family is a three-month old male cocker spaniel, reported Hello! magazine, thought to have come from a litter bred by Carole Middleton, Kate’s mother. It was a gift from the Prince to his wife. Sweeeeet!  St James’s Palace, however, won’t reveal the name of the mutt, as it is apparently a “private pet.” Periscope would like to hear your suggestions though, and would like to guess that since Kate’s nickname for Wills is, um, Big Willy, it might be called “Little Willy.” Let us know what you think below.

So it’s goodbye to the decades long symbol of royal dogginess, the corgi, whose appearance around the skirts of Her Majesty the Queen has become as much a part of British life as scones, rain and increasing rail fares. According to a survey by Select, from Direct Line, of 2000 people, 35 per cent voted for the traditional corgi as a suitable companion for our future Queen. Most wanted a Cavalier King Charles spaniel – perhaps for obvious reasons – but the cocker spaniel came a close second, at 18 per cent of the vote. It’s the “second most popular dog in the UK,” according to the Kennel Club. So they’re obviously in touch with the people and stuff, you know?

A friend in need. The puppy’s going to be “good company for Kate,” gushed Marie Claire, as Wills is off to the Falkland Islands with the RAF.

Lines of Succession. They’ve certainly “bucked Windsor family tradition,” said The Reliable Source blog on The Washington Post, by eschewing a corgi for a spaniel. But “despite a recent overhaul in monarchical succession rules (in the future, elder daughters will precede their brothers), scholars say the dog is not currently in line for the throne.”

Guess what’s coming…. It’s a “cute gift,” said Cinemablend, but also more responsibility. “In order to be a good pet owner, you must be reliable for your dog, you must be able to teach the dog how to behave, and you must be physically responsible for the pet in all situations. What does that sound like good practice for? If William and Kate really nail this pet ownership thing and British Royal fans are particularly lucky, there could be a much more exciting gift to announce next Christmas. Fingers crossed it won’t have his hairline.”

Canine of Cambridge. The Stir was a bit more practical, wondering who will “actually be taking care” of the “Canine of Cambridge.” Though William and Kate are “all down-to-earth and normal and whatnot,” it was hardly likely that “royalty picks up doggie poo-poo. Or even really walks the doggie. They have people for that. Haven’t you ever seen Downton Abbey?” The blog offered some advice: “Always bring two bags when you go on a walk. You probably won’t need them, but the one time you don’t bring an extra, trust me, you’ll wish you had.”

More on the royals

• Royal yacht plan torpedoed 
• Is K-Mid pregnant this time round?
• Royal succession laws changed
• Prince Charles warns that mankind is endangered

Sloth, not unlike the one that prompted Kristen Bell's meltdown. Phot credit: Carol Schaffer, http://www.flickr.com/photos/praziquantel/30950009/

In a clip that’s been making the Facebook rounds this week, Veronica Mars actress Kristen Bell adorably loses her mind over a sloth on daytime chat show Ellen. Because who doesn’t go nuts over the least excitable animal ever?

Bell explained that her fiance, actor Dax Shepard, arranged for the sloth to appear at her birthday party; when Bell realised that the sloth was coming, she had a full-on meltdown, handily captured on video by Shepard.
It’s kind of hard to know how to feel about this one.

Snooki. Photo credit: NVS Inc

Reports out Wednesday claim that Snooki, the Jersey Shore’s resident Oompa-Loompah, is expecting her first child with on-off boyfriend of one year, Jionni La Valle.

Snooki, known to her police and her family as Nicole Polizzi, is far and away the MTV “reality” show’s break-out star: The 24-year-old, along with fellow Shore-ian Jenni “J-woww” Farley, is reportedly starring in a Shore spin-off (but it won’t be in Hoboken); she published her first novel, Shore Thing, in 2010; and she’s even got her own perfume [Ed. Note: We’re taking suggestions on what that might smell like: bronzer and vomit? Testosterone and hair gel? Smoosh smoosh?]. And now, according to trusted news source Star magazine, she’s got her own little spin-off happening: She’s told her close friends and family that she’s expecting; a “big announcement” will be forthcoming.

So, now that the pint-sized guidette maybe swapping “gym, tan, laundry” for “Gymboree, teething, laundry”, what’s the word from the media?

Twitter hints. The Daily Mail claimed that Snooki has been dropping hints on Twitter that she might be expecting a mini-guido, including tweeting on January 24, “I feel sick”, before later adding “Late night craving…yogurt hits the fricken spot!” Celeb gossip site HollywoodLife added, “We expect her other cravings will include Snooki’s favorite food and pregnancy staple: pickles.”

What about that spin-off? According to HollywoodLife, producers for Snooki’s spin-off are having to rethink their “creative direction” for the show. Said Emily Morgan on the gossip site, “We hope that change in direction includes less partying in the clubs and more ‘mommy and me’ time at Gymboree.” Celeb blogger Perez Hilton agreed: “She does know you have to stop drinking when you’re preggers, right? That’s sort of a big deal … like making sure you’re not pale before or after Labor Day. (Just trying to speak her language!)”

Are you sure (shore), Snooki? Hilton was happy for the Snookster, but sounded a note of caution: “It’s joyous news for sure and we are NOTHING if not extraordinarily happy for her … if this is what she wants. She is still very young and she has so  many years to watch her career flourish. There’s time to have a baby, but we’re just not that sure if that time is now.”

Is it real? Leah Beckmann, Gawker’s “bloodhound journalist with a killer instinct”, went to fellow Gawkerite, “Dr. Brian Moylan, PhD in Jersey Shore Studies”, for reaction: Moylan suggested that though the story was likely “fake”, “it is equally as likely for ‘Snooki to get far too fucked up to use birth control or remember to take her pills.’”

What about her weight? Snooki had long been one of reality TV’s more zaftig stars, until the end of last year when her weight plummeted to 98 pounds, according to The Daily Mail, which keeps strict records of these kinds of things. Snooki credits her weightloss to diet pill Zantrax; the paper helpfully noted that “side effects can include palpitations, anxiety, cold sweats, nausea, diarrhea, increased heart rate and irritability.” Which may be why she tweeted “I feel sick” recently.

 More on the Shore, Snooki

• Jersey Shore back for season five, but is the magic gone?
• Welcome to… the Geordie Shore?
• Snooki’s banned Time Square stunt

Winter sunset over Tel Aviv

Right at the heart of one of the most politically heated and conflict-prone areas of the world is a one-of-a-kind city that certainly knows how to party in a very “creative” way. With a population of less than a million people, but with a lot of attitude, Tel Aviv has rightly earned a reputation as one of the most appealing party and artsy capital cities of the world.

Israel is often unfairly pigeon-holed as a religious destination for spiritually-keen tourists from the three monotheistic faiths, or as a completely avoidable and no-go zone because of the constant security threats and sporadic terrorist attacks derived from its geographical situation and its political context amid the never ending conflict with its immediate neighbors. But Israel is much more than what spiritual preachers and the media or politicians say about it – especially when it comes to its entertainment, cultural and artistic offerings.

“I could not even conceive living someplace else. Life in Tel Aviv is simply as good as it gets,” affirmed Dan Grossman, a 30-something American expatriate who has called Tel Aviv home since his early 20s. And most Tel Avivians, at least those around Dan’s age, agree with him. They not only adore their town but are, in a way, infatuated with it. And many of them – Dan included: he owns a vintage haute couture shop on Shenkin Street, exactly at the epicenter of Tel Aviv’s happening scene – are part of why Tel Aviv is such a vibrant and exhilarating city. They are visual and conceptual artists, sculptors, painters, writers, designers, actors, architects, dancers, musicians, artisans, dj’s, iconoclasts, creators, curators and, above all, entertainers and entertaining, just like their town.

“This is a place that triggers inspiration. It provides joie de vivre and lives under the laissez passer motto. Tel Aviv is groovy and hipster, it’s all about now and here. It’s got a lot of mojo, if you know what I mean,” Dan added, smiling.

Tel Aviv, founded by some of the first European Jewish settlers arriving in historic Palestine at the end of the 19th century, is not only the biggest and most affluent city in Israel, but is also its cultural melting pot. Its native Muslim and Jewish Arab inhabitants generally live elbow to elbow with a lot of the creative and bohemian crowd in the old ramparts of historic Jaffa, just south of downtown Tel Aviv. The city also has a vibrant community formed up by Jewish from the diasporas, Argentineans, Russians, Ethiopians or French, you name them and a colorful and quite active expat community, from Filipinos to Sinhalese and Sudanese, all allured by the city’s vibrant economy and the country’s porous Southern border with Egypt in the Sinai. This rich mixture, seasoned by a beautiful Mediterranean coast, spotted with sandy and low tide beaches and a year-round pleasant weather, make Tel Aviv simply irresistible.

The perfect weekend in town should start right there by the light blue sea. A jog or a bike ride along the Corniche, maybe some beach volleyball or racquetball (a local favorite). If you are more of a late sleeper, nothing compares to a light or heavy brunch (depending on your drinking the night before) along with a beer or a simple juice at one of the many stalls and restaurants along the coastline.  Next in your schedule should be a visit to Jaffa’s street market, for art shopping between the Ottoman-built walls, followed by a stroll along Rothschild Boulevard to see the UNESCO World Heritage Listed Art Nouveau buildings. Take frequent breaks for a light coffee on one of the numerous terraces, where people watching could keep you entertained for hours.

Later on or maybe the day after – since in Tel Aviv, being in a hurry is simply not part of anyone’s plan – be sure to visit the extended new wing of Tel Aviv’s Museum of Art and the superb Holon Design Museum, both recent additions to the town’s cultural scene. Try out Dizengoff Street and the new port, where you will have enough options to sate your shopping and eating cravings. And try to stop by the Suzanne Dellal Center to catch one of the many awe inspiring dance performances. Get yourself lost in the vast array of galleries and never ever miss the chance to go out at night, maybe even every night. Go have dinner and then some drinks, listen to some of the best jazz and dance to some terrific music. Say hello to the Sun as the day starts again by the Mediterranean and start all over again.

Carlos Tevez waits to make his Manchester City debut. Will he ever play for the club again? Photo credit: Alfonso Jimenez

The January football transfer window has closed with a whimper rather than a bang, most commentators agree. While last year’s deadline day say record spending of £225 million, this year was a more subdued affair, with the Premier League spend coming in at £60 million, according to the BBC.

Clubs are showing financial prudence. The lack of headline-grabbing, big money deals implies that “the Premier League is breathing the fresh air of restraint”, wrote David Conn in The Guardian. Conn suggested this was due to the new UEFA financial fair play rules, which mean if indebted clubs overspend they face serious sanctions. However, Conn also pointed out that it is impossible to know at this point whether or not the rules will have a long-term effect on football spending: “Restless ambition, rich men’s impatience and the desperation of strugglers still thrash beneath the waters, calmer as they seem.”

Carlos Tevez is going nowhere. Manchester City failed to offload striker and former captain Carlos Tevez, setting the stage for some serious fireworks. Manager Roberto Mancini  said Tevez was “finished” at the club after the player apparently refused to come on as a substitute against Bayern Munich last year – and relations have only got worse. Tevez is currently in “self-imposed exile” in his homeland of Argentina, reported Sonia Oxley for Reuters, and is facing a £1.2 million pound fine from City for flying home without permission. Now that interest from AC Milan, Paris St Germain and Inter Milan has come to nothing, the club faces a tricky legal situation, said Oxley: “The high-risk option would be to release him and sue him for the loss of a transfer fee that local media estimate at 25-30 million pounds but there would be no guarantees for City that Tevez would be able to pay it.”

A game between Everton and Manchester City was halted after a man chained himself to a goalpost. According to The Daily Mail, the man was protesting over Ryanair not employing his daughter. Presumably it’s easier – and safer – to handcuff yourself to a goalpost than to a Ryanair plane.

Pavlyuchenko out, Saha in. It was a busy transfer deadline day for Tottenham Hotspur, with Roman Pavlyuchenko, Steven Pienaar, Sebastien Bassong and Vedran Corluka on the way out; and Louis Saha joining on a free transfer from Everton and Ryan Nelson moving to White Hart Lane after Blackburn cancelled the defender’s contract. The arrival of 33-year-old Saha raised a few eyebrows, as the striker is notoriously injury-prone: “Saha has managed 20 appearances this season, scoring just twice,” noted Andy Hampson in The Independent.

Queens Park Rangers also hit the transfer day headlines, bringing in striker Bobby Zamora from Fulham and Djibril Cisse from Lazio. Manager Mark Hughes told the club website: “I rate Djibril very, very highly. I’ve watched him for many years and always been impressed by what he brings to the table.”

Cahill to Chelsea, Terry on trial. Gary Cahill’s move from Bolton Wanderers to Chelsea was one of the top ten transfers of the winter window, according to Goal: “Cahill adds some much needed depth to the Chelsea back line, and looks set to earn himself a starting berth alongside club icon John Terry.” And speaking of Terry, the Chelsea captain has entered a plea of not guilty to a “racially aggravated public order offence”, reported The Telegraph. Terry allegedly racially abused Queens Park Rangers defender Anton Ferdinand during a match last year. The trial is scheduled for 9 July; the Chelsea player is expected to captain England during Euro 2012 in June.

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Prepare yourselves.... Photocredit: http://www.geograph.org.uk/photo/1181176

It’s snowmaggeddon! Or at least, coldmaggeddon. Or, colderthanusualmageddon. Yes, a vicious cold snap that has left dozens of people dead in its wake across Europe is all set to hit Britain – by this very weekend –  as easterly winds sweep in from Siberia and Scandinavia. Snow, reported The Daily Telegraph, is forecast for some regions in Wales and the far west of England.

More seriously, the Department of Health has issued a warning that around 1,500 may die in February and March in “normal winter weather” – but this figure may rise during colder weather. These are likely to be the elderly and vulnerable. Last year, the death rate in England and Wales was up by 21 per cent in the big freeze. The Met Office, meanwhile, has upgraded its cold weather alert to Level Three, meaning there is a 100 percent probability of severe weather this week. Motorists in Devon and Cornwall are being advised not to go out unless it’s strictly necessary.

The reason there is so much hysteria about the forthcoming weather conditions is that last year nobody was prepared for the big freeze – which resulted in many schools being shut down, as well as Heathrow Airport having to close.

The people of Croydon, though, are likely to escape snow this week – so at least they’re happy.

“We advise people to check local weather forecasts for the latest updates. We are working closely with local authorities to ensure vulnerable people stay well and get the help they need within their communities,” said  a Department of Health spokesman, quoted on The Mirror.

Department of Homeland Security new to this whole "tweeter" thing.

As if more evidence was necessary that the US Department of Homeland Security has no sense of humour, two British tourists were detained and then forced to return home last week because of some ill-advised tweets.

Leigh Van Bryan, a 26-year-old Irish national and bar manager from Coventry, was denied entry to the US at Los Angeles International Airport after being put on a watch list for tweeting, “Free this week, for quick gossip/prep before I go and destroy America?” He tried to explain to the allegedly stone-faced Homeland Security agents that by “destroy” he meant get really drunk and possibly engage in minor hooliganery, but to no avail. He and friend Emily Bunting, 24, of Birmingham, were also quizzed by agents about another tweet, apparently a reference to American cartoon sitcom, Family Guy, in which he expressed his excitement about “pissing” people off in LA and “diggin’ Marilyn Monroe up”.

Van Bryan told the clearly outraged and a little amused Daily Mail that federal agents even search his bags for shovels and asked whether Bunting was going to act as his “lookout” while he exhumed the dead star. He and Bunting were held for 12 hours in Homeland Security custody – some of that time, Van Bryan said, he was left in a cell with “two huge Mexican men covered in tattoos” who claimed they were detained for trafficking cocaine – before being sent home. The two now must apply for tourists visas before visiting the US in the future.

“I kept saying to them they had got the wrong meaning from my tweet but they just told me “you’ve really f*cked up with that tweet, boy,” Van Bryan told The Daily Mail.

But was that really the case? Van Bryan provided his denial of entry documentation to The Daily Mail, which clearly indicates that he was refused because he had posted on his “Tweeter” account that he was “coming to the United States to dig up the grave of Marilyn Monroe”; coming to “destroy America” was also mentioned. But a spokesperson from the US Customs and Border Patrol, whom The Daily Mail appears not have attempted to contact, told Forbes’ Kashmir Hill that Van Bryan and Bunting were reported by a concerned citizen. “Based on information provided by the LAX Port Authority Infoline – a suspicious activity tipline – CBP conducted a secondary interview of two subjects presenting for entry into the United States,” the spokesperson told her. “Information gathered during this interview revealed that both individuals were inadmissible to the United States and were returned to their country of residence.”

Still, really, Homeland Security? Given the official documentation given Van Bryan before he left, it seems more likely that it was indeed the “Tweeter” message that got the pair kicked out of the country. Hill noted that though Homeland Security has been monitoring social media for about three years now, “DHS is fairly new to this whole social media monitoring thing. Let’s hope that, with time, the folks doing this develop an appreciation for context.”

Big Brother is watching. Nell Jenson, writing at Gawker, wondered more at the speed with which Homeland Security was able to ascertain the “threat”: “Of course, what this should really leave you wondering is how Homeland Security managed to connect the pair to their tweets in only the time it took them to obtain tourist visas and then clear customs, which is when they were detained. Is your passport already linked up to your Twitter account in Homeland Security’s database?”

Not the first time tweeting caused trouble. Elizabeth Flock, writing at The Washington Post’s blogPost, noted that this was by no means the first incident of a tweet getting its tweeter in big trouble with authorities. In 2010, Briton Paul Chambers was arrested on terrorism charges after tweeting “Robin Hood airport is closed. You’ve got a week to get your sh*t together, otherwise I’m blowing the airport sky high!!” He was ultimately found guilty of sending a “grossly offensive” message “by a public communications network”, and twice lost his job because of the incident. Accusations of “thoughtcrime”, a reference to George Orwell’s dystopian classic 1984, are ringing throughout the Twittersphere.

More on air travel nightmares

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